Le Networker
Stop pitching your network. Start being useful to it
I want to talk to you about a pattern I regularly observe in professional networks, and which is probably harming your reputation without you realizing it. Here's what it looks like.
I want to talk to you about a pattern I regularly observe in professional networks, and which is probably harming your reputation without you realizing it. Here's what it looks like.
Someone you haven't seen in eighteen months sends you a message. "Hey, long time no see! How are you?" You reply, happy to reconnect. Two messages later: "By the way, I wanted to talk to you about an opportunity…"
You've just been pitched by your network.
And even if the opportunity is potentially interesting, something broke in that interaction. You didn't have a conversation. You were the target of a sales pitch disguised as a friendly check-in.
It's not that transactional networking doesn't work. In the short term, it sometimes works. But it works like a roll of the dice: once in a while, the person actually needs what you're offering at the moment you offer it.
The rest of the time, you've damaged something.
Trust in a professional network is built on an implicit belief: this person thinks of me regardless of what they can get from me. As soon as that belief crumbles, as soon as you feel you're only being contacted when the other person needs something, the relationship shifts. It doesn't necessarily disappear, but it loses its depth.
And in a professional network, the strength of connections is everything. It's what makes people think of you spontaneously, recommend you without being asked, and call you first when an opportunity arises.
Professionals whose networks consistently generate opportunities share an approach that I would summarize as follows: they show interest before asking, and they give before receiving.
This isn't an empty platitude. It's a concrete approach that changes the nature of every interaction.
When they contact someone in their network, it's not because they have something to sell. It's because they read something that made them think of that person. Because they met someone who could be useful to them. Because they're curious about the progress of a project that person had told them about.
The long-term outcome is profound: these people are the first ones thought of when an opportunity emerges. Not because they pitched well. Because they were consistently helpful, without keeping score.
Let's be honest: this approach is not naive. It doesn't mean giving indiscriminately to everyone without limits, nor does it mean continuing to invest in relationships that are clearly one-sided.
It involves choosing your relational investments wisely, and making them generously once you've chosen them.
It's different. Discernment is what ensures your time and energy go towards relationships where genuine reciprocity is possible — even if that reciprocity isn't symmetrical or immediate. Generosity is what ensures that in these relationships, you truly give, without ulterior motives.
The next time you're about to contact someone in your network, ask yourself this question before sending the message:
Am I contacting this person because I have something to offer them, or because I need something from them?
Both are legitimate. But if the answer is consistently the second one, you probably have an approach problem, not a network problem.
A network that consistently generates opportunities is not the result of a series of good sales pitches. It's the result of dozens of small acts of generosity accumulated over years, which have built a reputation: that of someone people think of, because they think of others.
My takeaway: The most effective networking doesn't look like networking at all. It looks like genuine interest in people, like generosity without immediate calculation, and like a consistent presence that doesn't need to be justified by a need. It's simple to understand, difficult to maintain, and incredibly effective in the long run.
